**Warning** The following post contains material that some may find offensive. As the title of the article suggests, this post contains some seriously dark humor jokes. If you are nervous of an easily offended disposition, then maybe you should take a look at one of our other, more generally palatable posts instead. Continue on at your peril; belly laughs and guilt lay ahead of you.
It’s impossible to deny that we live in an increasingly angry world. However, comedy is one surefire way to help people relax, destress and let go of things.
Dark humor and jokes that are intentionally offensive can offer an even greater release. By sitting in an audience and listening to someone reel off edgy joke after edgy joke, we can laugh without fear and allow our stresses to melt away.
Comedy should be above censorship, in many ways, because it is not condoning anything. Instead, it is making light of the bad, ridiculing the villains, and empowering people to laugh in the face of adversity.
Laughter is the best medicine, and jokes are the most effective administration method. So let’s take a closer look at some of the best dark humor jokes around. Each one is guaranteed to offend and entertain in equal measure.
Want to skip the preamble and get straight to the black comedy? Indulge yourself with the quick links below.
- Best Lighthearted Dark Humor Jokes
- Guilty Pleasure Dark Humor Jokes
- Quintessentially British Dark Jokes
- Best Offensive Jokes for Around the Dinner Table
- Morbid Jokes You Can’t Help But Laugh At
- The Naughtiest Dark Humor Jokes
First, What Are Dark Humor Jokes?
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
Humor is a very subjective thing. What one person may find pant-wettingly hilarious, another may find dull and boring. Look at anything from stand-up comedians to tv sitcoms and comedies. Just because you have a sense of humor and like one of the above, though, you will not necessarily like everything. Such is life!
Yet, when it comes to laughter, one style is looked up with far more disdain than others. Dark humor jokes are like an uncle with Tourettes; everybody wishes they had one, but when you do, you’re not really allowed to talk about it.
By their very definition, dark humor jokes take the worst parts of life and make light of them. Often called black humor or gallows humor, it is something that lies in the underbelly of many. However, many are unwilling to give in and give a laugh for fear of condemnation.
Looking through the annals of history, humor has always been a manner in which people can push boundaries and test the limits of what can be allowed. Dark jokes have been traced back as far as Ancient Greece.
Defining Dark Jokes
First off, dark jokes take subjects that are considered either offensive or uncomfortable and turn them into a joke. We’re talking about subjects like:
- Sex and Sexuality
These are all subjects that make people uneasy when discussing them. Often because their discussion is commonly a cause of offense.
Without delving too deeply into the human psyche, oftentimes, humor is used as a means of coping. Dark humor jokes are a way of broaching topics otherwise considered out of bounds and bringing them into play. When it comes to humor, there is no discrimination.
What Makes Dark Jokes So Funny?
For as long as comedy has existed, people have laughed at misfortune. Whether their own or that of others. The coping mechanism we mentioned above makes it possible for us to discuss otherwise hard topics. For example, take the holocaust. Without question, it was the darkest time in human history. Yet there are a great many jokes out there that make the holocaust the butt of the joke.
It’s important to remember that when making a joke about a dark or inappropriate topic, the comic is not making fun of the victims but the circumstance or the perpetrator. The way a joke is told is not to offend but rather to diffuse, to trivialize the overwhelmingly negative, and make it just that little more bearable.
What is interesting to note is that there has been a scientific link discovered between those with a dark sense of humor and intelligence. Those who have a higher level of intelligence are more apt to be in possession of a dark sense of humor.
Again, we won’t be delving into specifics, but from the base level, that makes sense. And, it’s not because dark jokes are difficult to understand or take excessive processing power. Even so, understanding what these dark humor jokes are trying to achieve may be more evident to those of a more intelligent persuasion.
Anyway, that’s enough of the psycho-babble. It’s time to take a look at the reason you’re all here reading this post. The best dark humor jokes you can add to your repertoire that are guaranteed to turn any conversation instantly awkward.
Best Lighthearted Dark Humor Jokes
As with everything in life, there are degrees of moderation, even when it comes to dark humor and jokes. The following collection of jokes are sure to make people giggle but don’t come close to crossing any moral lines. There is more to having a dark sense of humor than being a member of the Addams Family.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
When telling jokes of any kind, there is something magical about the simplicity with which they can come together. A play on words here, a pun there, and you have a collection of mildly offensive jokes that are still reasonably safe to use in most social circles.
(However, don’t worry if these jokes are not dark enough for your tastes. We are just getting started.)
9 Silly Yet Funny Dark Jokes:
- What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
- It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds, though, and only once.
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- Patient: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”
Doctor: “To the morgue.”
Patient: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”
Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”
- What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour?
- My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
- Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
- Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Guilty Pleasure Dark Humor Jokes
We all have guilty pleasures. Life wouldn’t be the same without them. Those little things that you know you shouldn’t like or do, but do anyway. A guilty pleasure to some could be grabbing a sneaky hamburger or (for those in the UK) a cheeky Nandos.
For me, it’s watching the Wrong Turn horror movies. For others, it’s laughing at offensive jokes or sharing memes around the workplace … alright, fine, that’s me too.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
The following dark humor jokes will test your resistance to the guilty pleasures life has to offer. You will laugh, and you will feel mildly guilty for it, and then you will laugh again. That’s just how it works.
These are the sort of jokes you will keep in your arsenal and use them sparingly but with a reasonably broad audience. In other words, these are a mild to moderate offense level.
9 Jokes You Feel Bad Laughing At:
- During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
- You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
- My girlfriend, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose,” I told her.
- Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.
His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. “My friend isn’t breathing,” he shouts into the phone. “What should I do?”
“Relax,” the operator tells him. “I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s silence and then a gunshot.
The guy gets back on the phone and says, “OK, now what?”
- My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped, though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
- I was at the park the other day when a mother sat down beside me. After a while, she leaned over and asked, “Which one is yours?”
I looked at her and said, “I haven’t decided yet.”
- My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
- Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back, and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather,
Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
Quintessentially British Dark Jokes
The British have a very unique sense of humor. It’s sarcastic and dry, and often their offensive jokes are delivered in such a way that you don’t realize they are offensive until it’s too late. Thus, you will find yourself laughing, and then suddenly, the true darkness of it will hit you. Yes, it’s a hard delivery skill to pull off, but works so well with those gallows-style dark humor jokes.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
You don’t need to be British to understand or tell these jokes, but it does help. There is a cleverness to many of them that border on subtle but pack a punch that would floor Rocky Balboa.
In addition, there is something different about the delivery of British-inspired dark jokes. A deliberate simplicity and a directness that cuts that much shaper, yet at the same time, more entertaining.
9 Bleak British Humor Jokes:
- My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, “Knock knock,” we’d say, “Who’s there?”
Then she’d say, “I can’t remember”… and start to cry.
- Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
- What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
- My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
- Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife.”
- What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
- Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
- What’s the similarity between a pregnant teen and the baby she is carrying?
Both are thinking, “shit, my mom is going to kill me.”
- Why do women always look skinny after a miscarriage?
They don’t lose their figure when they don’t go full term.
Best Offensive Jokes for Around the Dinner Table
Mealtimes are often a place for good conversation. A chance for the family to get together and talk about their day.
In our house, we like to use it as a chance to air our worries and fears and talk about things that are bothering us. Dark humor and jokes flow like wine and gravy in others, and the only thing sharper than the wit is the key lime pie mum made for dessert.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
The following collection of dark jokes all share either a conversation simplicity or an association with food. They are the perfect example of jokes that can just roll off the tongue between courses. Furthermore, they can be delivered without warning, an act that only serves to heighten their impact.
(Just be careful who is sitting around the table because your grandmother might not appreciate your dark humor or jokes.)
9 Offensive Jokes for Any Occasion:
- I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother.
- A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.”
The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.”
“Thanks, Dad,” the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
- If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling.
- “I work with animals,” the guy says to his date.
“That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Are you a vet?”
“No, I’m a butcher,” he says.
- It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
- If at first, you don’t succeed… then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
- They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
- Why is the leper’s hockey game get canceled?
There was a face-off in the corner.
Morbid Jokes You Can’t Help But Laugh At
Life’s a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life’s a laugh, and death’s a joke; it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show.
Keep ’em laughin’ as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
I doubt many people could better explain a morbid sense of humor than the Monty Python team. When talking about dark humor jokes and offensive memes, there is no topic more open to ridicule than death itself.
Not only is death frightfully boring, but it’s also the last thing you do with your life. So after a good number of years on this planet, why not make sure you go out with a smile.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
The following dark jokes are treading a fine line, a fact that only serves to make them even funnier. Like a fart in church, knowing you shouldn’t makes it that much harder to resist.
So crack open a couple of these dark humor jokes and just watch as people you would never have expected to smirk start to giggle without remorse.
9 Morbid Jokes About Death:
- I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
- What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
- I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake
… It was a bittersweet victory.
- It’s important to have a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words’ antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.
- A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.”
The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?”
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”
- What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
- The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
- Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Exactly where you left it.
- There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
The Naughtiest Dark Humor Jokes
You couldn’t write a post about jokes without including a few naughty ones. A couple of spicy and sexy jokes to make you laugh and question your own fetishes.
Sex and sexuality are often part of a morbid humor playlist. The same way pleasure and pain can flirt their way through life together, dark humor and jokes of a sexual nature are a near-perfect pair.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I’m stuck here holding my rod.
Below, the collection of dark humor jokes all have a slightly spicy theme to them. Some are simple, and others are of a far darker tone. They made for devilishly uncomfortable reading. Not only will they make you laugh, but the reaction of those you’re telling them to will be utterly priceless. The look on their faces as they try to hold back their smiles will only make you laugh even harder.
9 Darkly Sexual Jokes:
- They say make up sex is the best…
Which is lucky because all my sex is made up.
- What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
They are both meat substitutes.
- I asked my partner if I was the only one she’s been with.
She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights.”
- What’s the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?
The hockey player changes his pads after three periods.
- Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love
Man: I wish not to die a virgin
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality
- A wife was cleaning 12-year-old son’s bedroom
When she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags, she asked her husband, “what do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
- A cop sees an older woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”
She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house, and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers.”
The cop asks, “So what did you do about it?”
The old lady says, “I get my hedge clippers, and I wait behind the fence. Then, when a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout, GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!”
“That seems fair enough,” the cop says, “so what’s in the other sack?”
The old lady replies with, “Not everyone pays….”
- Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant
Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad
Wife: No, you’re not
- A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing, so they go home happy until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Having a Dark Sense of Humor Is No Bad Thing
If you laughed at any of these jokes, don’t worry. You are not broken, and you do not have a fundamental problem in your central processing unit. You are just a human who understands humor and the subtleties that go with it. Moreover, if you felt guilty about laughing at some of these jokes, then you need to worry even less.
Having a taste for dark humor jokes is no longer the social stigma that it was; much like the uncle with Tourrettes we mentioned earlier in this article, it is no longer kept as the family secret.
If anything, having a penchant for giggling at these dark jokes might signify that you are a very intelligent individual. Humor is, was, and always will be subjective. It is supposed to tear down boundaries and borders; it is there as a device to make those who listen and laugh feel a little guilty for doing so, but at the same time relieve some of the stresses and pressures surrounding us.
We are all dealing with kind of BS–some of it is heavier, thicker, and smellier than others. Nevertheless, it still all came from life’s same orifice. And so, by laughing at something similar or equally negative, we lighten the load that sits on our own shoulders.
Dark Humor Jokes: The Punchline
It doesn’t matter if you laughed out loud at the orphan jokes in the list above or simply had a giggle at a few inappropriate memes during your last online meeting, you have a taste for dark humor jokes. But don’t worry. Offensive jokes are only that way if you take them that way. Otherwise, they are no different from a knock-knock joke.
If you start telling some of the jokes above, just make sure that you are in the right location with the right people. For example, cracking out a few of these during a stag night or while out with a few buddies, you should be fine. However, if you uncork a few during your granny’s eulogy, then you’re probably going to garner a few dodgy looks.
It is also essential to keep in mind that while dark jokes may be offensive, they should never be used to offend. After all, that is a very different kettle of fish.
So, how’d we do? Did we get a rise out of you with any of our offensive jokes? Or, have you met with some success applying a healthy dosage of black comedy to your daily life? What are your favorite dark humor jokes to tell? Leave us a comment below!