There are many ways to take the measure of a man. How thick and long his bank statements are. How hard and fast his car collection. How much girth and salty goodness his steaks have when they leave the grill. But if you want to truly understand the fellow before you, it’s important to know all you can about his beard; for it is only the proper gentleman who knows how to properly groom and trim as well as care for his thatch that is worthy of being called a man in any way.
A truly righteous fellow, or hirsute woman, will know that a wiry, dried out beard is an affront which should be punishable by death. The wisely whiskered are aware that proper maintenance of a decent beard requires moisturizing and lubricating to make it more manageable, softer, less itchy, and keep not only the hair above, but the skin below healthy and happy. A man who doesn’t go through the routine of oiling his beard doesn’t care how clean it is, how well-scented, how touchably downy, or how his fuzzy countenance appears to others. In short, he is no man. And if he doesn’t opt for one of the best beard oils, he’s likewise a fool and a failure undeserving even of a warrior’s death.
Why Use Beard Oil
The common argument of those with ill-kept hedges is that men wore beards long before there was oil to soften them, so why use it now? This is true only the in way that we lived without soap and indoor plumbing, so why start using those things? The point of the oil is to soften your scruff, reduce or eliminate an itchy face, and sanitize your chin wig and skin to reduce inflammation, ingrown hairs, breakouts, and issues that result from overly dry skin beneath the beard.
Related: Beard Balm vs Beard Oil
The best oils do all of these things along with bearing a pleasant aroma, greasing your hair so that food and other detritus slide off, and are made with sustainable ingredients that are as kind to nature as they are to your face.
Honest Amish Beard Balm
Though Honest Amish has a dedicated beard oil that is exceptional, it’s overshadowed by its balmy brother, which uses a recipe that pre-dates the hipster beard trend and is beloved by men who live hard off the land. You’ll get unbeatable protection here, along with dapper looks that put most pomades to shame.
Jake’s Blue Collar
Mixed up right in Springfield, MO out of coconut, aloe, avocado, Jojoba, and almond oils, there’s a refined ruggedness that can domesticate the most manful beards around.
All Naturals Organic Beard Oil & Leave-In Conditioner
An excellent mix of oils for protecting the outside and conditioner for preventing split ends and nourishing from the root to the tip, this is all you need when it comes to beard care.
Grave Before Shave
With a little bit of rum and coconut on the nose, this is an oily choice that will work well for men who have dry skin or live in climates where humidity is just a story they tell their kids. In heavy humidity, it tends to get greasy and clump, which is unpleasant in the extreme. If you run dry, give this a go, but if you have oily skin or live in the Everglades, it might give you trouble.
Badger Navigator Class
The best thing to be said about the Navigator Class is that wives and girlfriends will choose it above all others. That sterling endorsement comes out of experience with their bearded lads who have tried and failed to soften their ruff to the point that intimacy isn’t painful. Also tends to be hypoallergenic, should you be among the sensitive smellers among us.
Free of fragrance and completely natural, there’s only two ingredients in Leven Rose, and yet that simplicity makes it one of the top tier choices for the newbie or the ZZ Top lookalike. The best part is that the big bottle lasts for ages, even in arid areas where it’s needed everyday.
Port Products Conditioning Beard Absolute
Those who don’t want much scent in their oil will love the lightness of Absolute, as it starts a little woodsy, then slips away as time goes on. Easy to apply and quick to sink in, there’s no shiny look with this option as it promotes lustre that comes from good health, not waxiness.
Aiming at softness and plush taming of all beards, V76 uses palmetto oil – which is beloved by car waxes for its durability and sheen – along with the softening power of safflower. The outcome is a natural shine that works as well in your head hair as on your face, along with friendly fullness that feels sumptuous.
Bearded Bastard Woodsman
Aptly named, the Woodsman is intended to tame the wildest and wiliest of beards. It virtually disappears, leaving a faint aroma of the forest in its wake, and it turns the most unruly steel wool beard into something as manageable and pliant as a Persian cat’s fur.
Earth tones and a manly scent of woodsiness give Wisdom a lot of natural appeal. Entirely vegan and free of nut oils or pore-clogging choices, it’s as clean an option as you’re going to find that helps get your beard back to nature in a fully sustainable way.
Mojo Beard Oil
If you live in the United States, finding this can be next to impossible, as it’s a UK import. Should you find yourself across the pond, pick it up and give it a shot, as it’s one of the best softeners for short, wiry hair we’ve found anywhere on Earth.
Brothers Artisan Oil Orange & Grapefruit
Citrus-scented grapeseed, argan, and Jojoba, this feels feathery and fruity on your skin and hair, but softens like a thick balm for a movable, masculine look.
The upscale, naturalistic brand Jack Black brings a serious mix of wholesome ingredients that cleanse and refresh your skin for a daily sense of purification that goes on light, but nourishes your hair for healthier growing and a more organic feel that won’t falter as the hours go by.
Beardbrand Tea Tree
Tea Tree oil is a natural antiseptic that is excellent for getting bacteria off your skin so that should you decide to dump your jawline mane, you’ll have fewer issues with breakouts. It starts with a Jojoba base that goes on butter and silk smooth for a feel that’s pure pleasure.
White Spade Patrose Tree
Completely organic and made with stimulating oils that are intended to help grow your beard out as much as turn it into a manageable mop, the scent alone is enough to be a selling point as it comes across as palm trees dappled in sunlight.
Beard Baron Wildwood
Made with a dapper shine that’s meant for the more slicked-down gent who prefers a longer bit of brush on his face , the shorter-bearded might find it too much grease for their needs, but if you go big and need an oil that can keep in lockstep with your impressive follicles, this is it.
Beard Supply Beard Oil
One of the best small batch beard oil producers, this comes from the dustlands of Texas, where men take their hair seriously and need oils that can win the west. Try the IPA scent for a pale ale smell that will keep you going right up to happy hour.
Beard oil doesn’t do much for controlling an unruly beard. The best products out there are made by The Beardsmith. Their beard grease and mustache putty will do more for your facial hair than any of the straight oils. Check them out!