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How to Flirt with a Guy with Finesse (Even If You Weren’t a Born Flirt)

Feel awkward or shy around guys? Scared of rejection? We have some tips on how to flirt with a guy next time you go out. (Or flirt with a guy over text if that works best for you!)

How to flirt with a guy

Either way, there are some ways to level up your flirting game. Because come on, some of us weren’t born flirts!

Flirting doesn’t come naturally or easily to everyone. And even the most confident people can get tongue-tied and flushed in front of the guy they really like.

The thing is – flirting with a guy is both an attitude and an art form. There’s no “free” app for it, and it’s certainly not downloadable!

But whether flirting has become an endangered art form or you’re just out of shape, it’s time to study up on what works – and doesn’t work – when it comes to flirting. Let’s get you back to your flirting game, and fast.

By the end of this article, you’ll have everything in your arsenal about how to be a master flirter.

More into girls? Check out our guide: How to Flirt with Girls

The Flirting Game – Understanding How Men Flirt

The number one thing to make you the master at flirting is understanding the signs in front of you. Because while flirting is an art, it’s also a science. It’s important to understand the situations properly because there’s a fine line between “friendly” and “more than friends.”

Is that guy actually flirting with your or merely being friendly? Most of the time, it’s hard to decide which is which. One study found that only 28% of the 100 participants accurately detected flirting.

Now, everyone surely wants to be better than that 28%. Otherwise, misreading the signals can only go two ways, both not-so-great ways – risk embarrassment or miss out on a potentially good match if someone is interested.

So, how do men flirt?

How Do You Know If a Guy Is Flirting with You?

How to tell if a guy is flirting with you

What are the actual signs of flirting? What do guys do when they like the girl? How do you know if a man is flirting with you?

It’s high time to end the guessing game once and for all. Although different men have different flirting styles, here are some tell-tale signs that a guy is trying to flirt with you.

Male Flirting Cue #1: Eye Contact

If a guy is interested, expect him to single you out. Before he even starts talking to you or comes near you, you’ll notice his lingering eye contact. After all, lingering eye contact is a surefire way to let someone know you like what you see or that they are curious about you, even from across the room.

And if his eyes travel from your eyes down to your lips and back again, that’s one way to know that he’s certainly interested.

Male Flirting Cue #2: He Can’t Stop Smiling

If you’re close or talking to a person that you like, you won’t be able to stop smiling. The same thing is true for guys.

The key here is to tell the difference between a polite or a forced smile and the real deal. But it shouldn’t be hard to decipher when he can’t stop beaming at you.

Male Flirting Cue #3: Territorial Body Language

After all, that small talk and you become comfortable around each other, notice the territorial cues of attraction:

  • He’ll want to get closer to you and establish physical contact. That could be either sitting next to you, moving his chair closer, or leaning in towards you.
  • You might also notice him squaring up, so you’re shoulder to shoulder now, or put his hands at the back of your chair instead of having your face to face.

Male Flirting Cue #4: He Touches You

Now that’s he’s closer in your space, they will start to engage in subtle physical touches. That is a guaranteed cue that he’s flirting.

He will find any excuse to get closer and touch you. That could be a light brush on your arm, a tap on your shoulder, or brazenly putting his hand on your knee. And so long as it’s not unwanted on your part, he will likely continue with the subtle touches throughout the date.

How to Flirt with a Guy – the 8-Step Process

There is no single way to concretely describe what flirtation is. But flirtation, essentially, needs sequences of acts, and every response matters! You have to indicate genuine interest continuously.

Don’t know where to start? Here’s our 8-step process to flirting with a guy to get you on the right track.

1. Build Your Confidence

Build your confidence

Flirting 101 – it all starts with being confident and wearing that confidence on your shoulders. As they say, nothing is sexier than confidence.

Confidence isthe ultimate aphrodisiac when done in a genuine way, with no putting on airs nor look-at-me overconfidence.

Did you ever notice that the most attractive person in the room that gets the guy’s attention isn’t necessarily the “most physically attractive” person? Yes, because it’s usually the girl that exudes the most confidence that moves the room.

So, activate your inner femme fatal, but remember you don’t have to aim to be perfect either, or the most beautiful, or the sexiest girl in the room. In fact, ditch that “perfection” word from your vocabulary altogether.

To build your dating confidence, start by taking care of “you” first, then the actions will follow. Smell your best and wear something special. Not because you are dating or flirting with someone special, but because you are!

2. Start with Small Talk

Make small talk

What do you do? How was your day? – No, I don’t mean that kind of small talk. In fact, that’s the kind of petty small talk you should skip. No one wants to deal with that boring chatter.

Instead, skip to the good stuff and aim to havemeaningful small talk.

Don’t know what that means? Simple – it’s something that can help you connect with the other person in the most genuine way.

Fancy some tips to avoid annoying small talk and cut ahead to more fun and interesting conversations?

  • Look for stories, not answers. Avoid questions with one-word or one-line answers. It shouldn’t feel like an interview.
  • Ask why (or how), not what. Ask open-ended questions and the kind of questions that invite him to tell stories or elaborate.
  • Compliment him. Men love that but go beyond their looks. “You have pretty eyes,” and “you have huge muscles” just sounds unoriginal and not terribly interesting by this point.

All these shouldn’t be too hard if you’re genuinely curious about the other person.

3. Don’t Forget Eye Contact

Hold eye contact

That old phrase “the eyes are the windows to the soul” strongly applies when it comes to flirting. Giving strong eye contact lets him know that you’re attentive to him, which is a nonverbal cue of attraction!

And here’s a fun fact – maintaining eye contact triggers oxytocin.

Pro Tip #1: Keep persisting when making flirty eyes to a guy. According to research by Psychologist Monika Moore, it usually takes three separate gaze signals for most men to get that they are being flirted with. And if he’s really slow, that can take up to five different eye contacts!

Pro Tip #2: Let them catch you looking at them (from across the room) but before an extended eye contact turns a bit creepy, try breaking it up with a wink!

4. A Smile Says It All

Flirty Smile

Eye contact is not enough, so pair it with your flirting face with a warm smile, or better yet – a flirty smile. That will absolutely get the attention and even draw their eyes from your eyes to your lips. But how do you do that without looking creepy?

The fundamentals of a “flirty smile” are not about your mouth or showing your pearly whites. It also leverages your eyes, head and neck, and sometimes even your whole body. A University of Kansas study states that a flirtatious smile is characterized by direct eye contact, head tilt, and a slight smile.

A flirty smile can be:

  • Small little smirk with one side of your lip raised slightly, closed mouth, and a slightly raised brow.
  • Small smile, biting your bottom lip gently.

But remember to make sure your teeth are clean before you unleash that flirty smile!

5. Master the Art of Subtle Touch

Flirtatious touching

While a smile says it all, a touch tells you even more. One study shows that we are around 48-83% accurate when it comes to deciding what a touch means.

And if there’s a flirty smile, there’s also a flirty touch. If a “touch” happens once, it’s probably accidental. And if you touch him and everyone else, then that’s just casual.

But when flirting with a guy, you might want to use the 5-in-15 rule of subtle touching. Essentially, you try to touch the person you’re interested in five times within 15 minutes.

Pro Tip: For intimate touches, naturally touch someone closer to his three Hs: hands, hips, and head.

6. Don’t Be Afraid of Some Playful Teasing

Playful teasing

Teasing, when done properly, can be a great flirting technique!

In a way, your high school self has done it right. Teasing someone you fancy is a fantastic way to build attraction. Dating can be rather tiring and monotonous, sometimes too serious and too fast. Where there’s no back and forth, there is no movement. So, don’t be afraid to give things a little shake-up; otherwise, what’s the point?

And while men love to tease women they like, it also works the opposite way.

The secret to the art of flirting by teasing is doing so with the right intentions. The DO’s:

  • Ask some flirty questions, say a funny joke, or play truth or dare?
  • Tease about things they’re thinking that you absolutely know, like a kiss!
  • Disagree with him (sometimes) for the sake of disagreeing. Just know when to stop.

Related Reading: Best Love Quotes for Him

The DON’Ts of playful teasing when flirting with him:

  • Don’t tease his appearance.
  • Don’t tease over his lack of knowledge or understanding.
  • Don’t tease his work, mannerisms, or anything that would make him feel emasculated.

Pro Tip #1: Use the pushing-and-pulling technique, like dangling a compliment to him, then pulling it back. Example: “You’re the coolest guy I’ve ever met … at this bar, anyway.”

Pro Tip #2: Teasing is an art, which means it should be subtle (but with a smile, so he knows you’re teasing). Teasing by flirting should get him excited, not confuse him that he goes nuts. There should be a goal like, once he made his intentions known, you can let the teasing go.

7. Drop Subtle Hints

Dropping hints

The secret is not to ask him, but have him ask you, whether that’s for your number or a date. Because one of the most unfortunate things is this: while guys like to know if they have a chance or not, they don’t like it when girls are too forward.
Hence, the secret flirting tip – make it seem like the ball is in their park, even when you were the one to put it in there! How? By using embedded commands.

It’s hypnotic language to make them do something without actually saying it outright.

For example: instead of saying, “take me out to dinner,” tell him, “I’ve always wanted to try this restaurant, but my friend bailed on me.”

Related Reading: Fun Things to Do with Your Boyfriend

Or, if he shared a story about his “skiing trip” last weekend, you could say that you’ve always been interested to learn how.

8. Leave Him Wanting

Play hard to get

Backing off from the “game” sounds frustrating. The waiting game is always the most frustrating part, but in this case, it’s the last and most critical part. You’ve flirted with him and let him know that you’re interested, that he won’t be rejected. Now, he needs to make the next move.

Pro Tip: Refrain from asking their number. If he wants to hit you up, he’s going to ask for yours!

Because where there is no chase, there would be no reward. But don’t confuse it with the “unhealthy chase.” No one is treating another one like sh*t, never calling the other back because that’s not cute!

What we’re trying to say is this: how else would he know he really wants to be with you if he’s not without you?

If the guy gets his hands on the prize too easily and too quickly, would the reward (you) feel as special as it should?

This last part is also the make or break – saying goodbye, either for good or just for now. If there is something there, you’ll know it by this point or in the next day or two, or three!

How to Subtly Flirt with a Guy from a Distance

Flirt across the room

How do you flirt with a cute guy if it’s a “saw him across the room” situation? Maybe you saw someone you like in a bar, at a party, or a few tables away from you in a coffee shop, and you want to get their attention.

The secret is this: magical eye contact flirting moves!

You don’t have to talk to someone to start testing the waters and flirting with them. Just use these eye contact flirting tips to make a great impression from across the room.

1. Start with a Casual Stare

See someone you like from across the room? Don’t be hasty. Flirting takes time, and it’s going to be worth it! Start with casual glances. You don’t want to start ogling him and make him uncomfortable.

So, be relaxed and take the time to check him out. You don’t want him to think you’re a stalker. Because flirty could turn creepy quickly if some stranger is staring at you endlessly from across the room.

2. Make Fleeting Eye Contact

Soon enough, he will start to notice you. And when he does and stares back at you with curiosity, lock eyes but only for a second or two.

The first eye contact should only be long enough to send the message across to him that you’re interested. So, look away immediately.

3. Scan the Room and Make a Repeat Glance

Once you’ve made him aware of your existence, scan the room, then settle your eyes back on him. If that fleeting eye contact made him think that it was only a passing glance, this repeat-glance would surely send a clearer message across.
But this step works best when you know they are looking at you to make it as natural as possible. If not, wait for him to make eye contact again.

4. Lock Eyes but Don’t Linger

Now that you’ve let him know what’s on your mind, it’s time to build the excitement. Lock eyes with him a bit longer than before but stop staring at him for much longer.

By doing this, you’re making him curious why you’re not looking at him anymore. Now, with that curiosity planted, he may start to stare at you more often. Now, he’s the one interested in looking at you.

5. Reverse Eye Contact Flirting

Don’t stare at him directly but keep him in your line of sight. That way, you’ll know whether he’s trying to make eye contact with you. If he’s paying attention and is staring at you as often as you were staring at him previously, your eye contact flirting game is working. And that means it’s time to do the reverse!

The timing is key for this step to work.

Once you’re sure he’s staring at you, look back at him in an attempt to “catch his gaze.” Make him think that he’s the one eye flirting with you. Not the other way around!

6. Make a Longer Eye Contact and Smile

Now, you’re certainly staring at each other, equally interested. After all those stolen glances, it’s time to take the plunge and send him a smile. And if you’re brazen enough, how about giving him a wink?

If he smiles back or sends you a wink, you’ve struck gold!

How to Flirt with a Guy Over Text

How to flirt with a guy over text

Flirting is best-done face to face, but in situations where face-to-face conversations are impossible, you can also flirt with a guy over text! More importantly, you can start flirting with a guy before meeting him.
When you flirt with a guy over text, it goes beyond liking his profile photo on Facebook or liking and commenting on the photo of his dog he recently shared on Instagram.

So, how do you flirt with a guy via text?

Flirty Texts to Send a Guy You Are Genuinely Interested In

Send him flirty texts. You can break the ice with some good questions to ask a guy, as well as keeping the following tips in mind:

Flirty Texting Strategy #1: Ask Something Flirty

  • “Why are you so handsome?”
  • “Have I told you I want to kiss you right now?”
  • “Want to hear a secret?”
  • “I like you. What are you going to do about it?”

Flirty Texting Strategy #2: Be Suggestive (If Your Relationship Is Ready for It)

  • “You’re going to love the outfit I’m wearing tonight.”
  • “If you send a sexy selfie of yourself, I might send one back” – don’t forget to add a wink!
  • “I can’t wait to be alone with you again.”
  • “Just thinking about the things that we could do if you’re here by my side right now.”

Flirty Texting Strategy #3: When in Doubt, Be Honest

  • “I dreamt of you last night.”
  • “Thinking about you makes me smile.”
  • “Are you thinking about me like I’m thinking about you right now?”
  • “This is me asking you out. Want to go get some coffee on Saturday?”
  • “I’ve wanted to see *insert a scary movie*, want to see it together?
  • “I keep thinking about how fun we had the last time we were together.”

Final Thoughts – How to Flirt with a Guy?

The flirting stage is considered an art because it needs to be subtle. You want to attract higher-quality men and let them know that you are interested in him in subtle ways, never being too obvious or aggressive.

But remember that practice always makes perfect, or so they say! Think of flirting as a muscle. If you don’t go to the gym or take the time to exercise, it’s going to deteriorate rapidly. We hope you found this article helpful in brushing up your skills on how to flirt with a guy, and happy flirting!