They say laughter is medicine for the soul. If that’s the case, you will all be fit and well through this life and the next by the time you finish reading our compendium of the 150 best dad jokes.View in gallery
Everybody loves a good joke, especially dads, for we are a special breed of joke-teller. Master of the pun and the corny one-liner. Fully trained in the art of delivery, hitting you with humor from all angles, both when you expect it, and more importantly, when you don’t.
- What’s black, white, but never red?
I don’t know, but hopefully not this post.
To make it an even easier read for you, we’ve separated all our dad jokes into categories to help you prepare your repertoire for any occasion. So go on and add us to your bookmark feed because we’ve got material to keep you telling jokes the whole year through.
Here’s your shortlist of the 150 best dad jokes:
- Funny Dad Jokes | A Cringe for Any Occasion
- Bad Dad Jokes | So Terrible, You Can’t Help but Laugh
- Dumb Dad Jokes for Kids | How to Troll Your Children
- Best Clean Dad Jokes | PG-13 Rated Embarrassment
- Dirty Dad Jokes | Offensively Mild
- Best Dad Joke Pick Up Lines | For When Dad-bod Alone Won’t Cut it
- Dark Dad Jokes | Black Humor to Light Up Your Day
- Corny Birthday Dad Jokes | Hilarious Ways to Spoil the Party
- Spooky Halloween Dad Jokes | Make Every Trick a Treat
- Christmas Dad Jokes | ‘Tis the Season to Be Folly
However, before we take a look at our corny dad jokes, we should first spend a second pondering the greatest question of them all: When does a joke become a dad joke?
What Is a Dad Joke, and How Can You Make One Land?
I would love to be able to tell you that there is a simple formula for creating funny dad jokes. Something like:View in gallery
Sadly, however, it is far more complicated than that. An absolute cracker of a dad joke needs to be almost as un-funny as it is funny. It needs to take an understanding from the occasion and tailor the delivery to suit. Maybe a little tongue in cheeky, perhaps a single toe from being considered a foot-in-the-mouth situation.
As the teller of the joke, only you can judge, and that is where the art of dad jokes already starts to come into play. Once you understand the basics of dad humor, you can begin to get a little more creative, playing with ingredients such as embarrassment and self-deprecation. If you are feeling fearless, you can even play around with anger. However, that is a joke-telling ingredient best left to true dad jokes experts.
We cover them all in the following lists of the best dad jokes, but user discretion is advised, and we cannot accept any liability for the adverse reactions that may be encountered.
15 Funny Dad Jokes | A Cringe for Any Occasion
When thinking about the best dad jokes, it’s good to start with some basic, all-around funny jokes. These are the sort of jokes you could drop without warning in any situation without worry.
They also make great jokes for those making their first venture into the world of corny humor. They require minimal skill but deliver deep-belly laughs every single time. Whether you are looking for an ice-breaker, or just want to embarrass the kids when they are with their friends – yes, you know, being THAT dad – these jokes are perfect.
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- Did you know the Norwegian navy has barcodes painted on the side of all their ships?
That way, they can easily Scandinavian.
- Why do witches fly on brooms?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
- Which animal is the most sarcastic?
- What’s brown and sticky?
- What animal didn’t enter the Ark in a pair?
Worms, they went in the apples.
- What do you do if your child wants a space-themed birthday party?
- Why don’t photons ever need luggage?
Because they are traveling light.
- Why did the sandcastle blush?
Because the seaweed.
- What’s grey, has 16 wheels, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
An elephant on roller skates.
- My computer password has to be 8 characters long, but…
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves wasn’t allowed.
- I didn’t believe my daughter when she told me she didn’t like me listening to the Monkees…
And then I saw her face.
- Why don’t bees need to use hair gel?
Because they use a honeycomb.
- Two guys walked into a bar…
Their friend ducked.
- My boss told me to make sure I had a good day…
so I went to play golf.
- Why don’t computers use credit cards?
They prefer to use cache.
15 Bad Dad Jokes | So Terrible, You Can’t Help but Laugh
The best dad jokes are not necessarily funny. In fact, they are anti-humor most of the time. If anything, it is their distinct unfunny edge that makes them so hilarious.
To become a skilled teller of bad dad jokes, you need to accept the risk of failure. That doesn’t necessarily mean your joke is genuinely bad, but rather, your execution and delivery might need to be tweaked. Luckily, the best way to get better at something is to practice, so keep throwing these corny jokes out there every chance you get.
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- Did you hear about the Dwarf Shortage?
- Why are Toblerones shaped like a triangle?
So they fit in the packaging.
- What did 0 say to 8?
- Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
- The working week is far too long.
After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
- What is Forrest Gump’s computer password?
- Did you hear about the magic cow?
He was practicing Moodoo.
- A man walks into the butchers and says, I bet you $5 you can’t give me one of those steaks hanging up there.
The butcher looks up and says, I can’t take that bet. Those steaks are too high.
- Me: I never understood what’s so great about living in Switzerland
Friend: Well, the flag is a big plus.
- I was out for a walk one day when I saw a man in the river shouting, ‘I can’t swim, I can’t swim.’
I called back, I can’t play the piano, but I don’t make a fuss about it.
- What did Phil Collins call his twin girls?
Anna One Anna Two.
- Two goldfish are in a tank, one says to the other…
do you know how to drive this thing?
- Why should you always have a pencil on your bedside table?
So you can draw the curtains.
- Did you hear about the dead cartoonist?
The details are sketchy.
- Why did the pirate walk the plank?
Because dogs weren’t allowed on board.
15 Dumb Dad Jokes for Kids | How to Troll Your Children
Of course, dad jokes are for everybody, but at their core–and if we are honest, at their heart–they are all about the kids. A proper dad joke for kids is not greeted with laughter but with a groan, eye roll, or possibly even an accusation of lameness. If you play it right, any of these following jokes for kids could earn you the trifecta of kid reactions.
Just remember, laughter is good for the ears, but groans and disownment are comic nourishment for a father’s soul.
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- What did one chimney say to the other?
You’re too young to smoke.
- What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
- What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
- What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
- What do you call a camel with three humps?
- What do you call Postman Pat if he loses his job?
- What is a fly with no wings?
- What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?
- My dog doesn’t have a nose.
Really, how does he smell?
- What is black and white, black and white, black and white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
- What dinosaur has the best vocabulary?
- What’s the similarity between false teeth and stars?
They both come out at night.
- Why do scientists never have bad breath?
Because of their experi-mints.
- Why was five afraid of six?
Because seven ate nine.
- Two muffins were sitting in the oven. One says, is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?
The other says, ah crap, a talking muffin!
15 Best Clean Dad Jokes | PG-13 Rated Embarrassment
We will get to the blue dad jokes in a second, but for now, we are going to keep things family-friendly. After all, the majority of occasions where your dad joke skills are going to be called for will be in family settings.
These clean dad jokes will always go down a treat from waiting at the school gates to quips for around the dinner table. Just remember to space out your delivery. You don’t want anybody pulling a muscle … the way the clam did at the underwater disco.
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- What fruit always has to plan a wedding?
Melons because they cantaloupe.
- What animal is the most intelligent?
Spiders because they find everything on the web.
- I know a few jokes about retired people…
but none of them work.
- What do you call an ostrich with its head in the sand?
Anything you like, it can’t hear you.
- We should all make jokes about the apocalypse as if there is no tomorrow.
- Whenever I turn my computer on, it says ‘Hello from the other side.’
Oh, it must be a Dell.
- I’m so good at sleeping I could do it with my eyes closed.
- Last night I threw a ball for my dog.
It might be excessive, but he turned 5 and looked very dapper in a three-piece suit.
- They should market iPhone charging cables as apple juice.
- What is the worst shape?
Circles. They are utterly pointless.
- Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
- Did you hear about the karate master who finally passed his driving test?
He got awarded a seat belt.
- Why do gossips make terrible baristas?
They always spill the beans.
- What’s green and loves the snow?
- What is the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk, it’s pasteurized before you even see it!
15 Dirty Dad Jokes | Offensively Mild
Yes, there are plenty of clean jokes for adults, but, well, sometimes you just want to get a little dirty. Besides, dirty dad jokes make us laugh that little bit harder than the rest. In fact, inappropriate, innuendo-laden jokes can be a double whammy of success because they can make most people laugh and put those prudish guests on edge just enough to make the rest of the evening hilariously uncomfortable for everybody.
As the keeper of the dad jokes, it is your duty to ensure moderate offense is given and taken from time to time. All the while accepting that there could be occasions when things may backfire., It’s a risk versus reward world, and only the truly brave will ever succeed.
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- My wife hates that our new neighbor sunbathes topless.
Me, personally, I’m on the fence.
- What did the hooker’s left leg say to her right leg?
Nothing, they’ve never met.
- I can never tell if the toilet in my psychiatrist’s office is in use or not.
The p is always silent.
- Two people having sex is a twosome, and three people having sex is a threesome…
So you’d better believe me when I tell you I’m handsome.
- My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick, especially because his name’s James.
- Ninjas are the worst farters in the world.
They are silent but deadly.
- Gonorrhea would have been an excellent name for diarrhea medicine.
- What did the elephant say to the nudist?
How do you breathe out of that!?
- What’s the difference between a blimp and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear, the other’s a great year.
- Three nuns died and were at the heavenly gates. St Peter stood there and said, ‘right ladies, you need to answer a question before you can come inside.’
To the first nun, he asked ‘What was the name of the first woman?’
‘Eve’ the nun replied.
‘Correct, in you go,’ St Peter said.
To the second nun, he asked ‘What is the name of the place where Adam and Eve lived?’
‘The garden of Eden,’ the second nun replied.
‘Correct, in you go,’ St Peter said.
He looked at the third nun, the Mother Superior and said, ‘well, your question will be a little trickier. What is the first thing Eve said to Adam?’
The Mother Superior scratched her chin. ‘Ooh, that’s a hard one,’ she said.
‘Correct, in you go,’ St Peter said.
- Why did the fart never finish high school?
It got expelled.
- Why are bras so dangerous?
They are booby traps.
- My friend got high and gave me his sneakers.
They’re comfy, but man, I’ve been tripping all day.
- My kids have reached that age when they become curious about the human body.
Guess I’m going to have to bury it tonight.
- What’s the similarity between light beer and making love in a canoe?
Both are fucking close to water.
15 Best Dad Joke Pick Up Lines | For When Dad-bod Alone Won’t Cut it
Are you a single dad looking to get your toes wet in the dating pool again? Well, this is the section for you. For the next few jokes, we are going to look beyond dumb dad jokes and look at the smoothest pick-up lines to get the ladies smiling.
Imagine it, you’re in a crowded bar, you see a lovely lady sitting there, but you freeze. It’s been years since you dated anybody, you’ve not slept through the night in years, and you’re not sure if you took the nail polish off your toes from where your kid was playing salon. So you need something special if you want to stand a chance.
Related Reading: 150 Never Have I Ever Questions
These lines, well, why they might not work, will certainly make your evening memorable.
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- Do you like dried fruit?
Great, would you like a date?
- My favorite vowels are U and I because they go so well together.
- It must get tiring when nobody asks how you’re feeling.
Why…? Well, you’ve got fine written all over you.
- I don’t believe in love at first sight. What a load of nonsense. So wait right here and let me walk by again.
- You must be the girl who rubbed the magic lamp because here I am. Now, what will you do with your last two wishes?
- If we were animals, I’d be a rooster, and you’d be a chicken, because girl, you’re impeccable.
- Hey there, do you like my shirt?
It’s made of boyfriend material.
- Sorry if I’m squinting. It’s just that I love to read, and well, you’re the fine print.
- I didn’t realize this was a library.
It isn’t… Well it must be, because I’m totally checking you out.
- Your name must be Mickey because standing next to you is the happiest place on earth.
- Are you here alone?
Yes…? Well, you’ve got my interest!
- You and I would be nothing together. After all, they say that’s the only thing that lasts forever.
- (After a girl sneezes)
You didn’t need to sneeze. God’s clearly already blessed you.
- My life without you in it would be nothing but a circle…
- If we were alive in biblical times, Noah would have invited us onboard first because we make an incredible pair.
15 Dark Dad Jokes | Black Humor to Light Up Your Day
We would all love to have two things as a kid: a dad who tells dark jokes and an uncle with Tourettes.
Dark dad jokes are an acquired taste and certainly need to be used sparingly. Come out with one at the wrong time, and the repercussions can be long-lasting. I would recommend introducing the dark jokes if you are an experienced dad joker and know your audience well.
Read on if you dare, but the following 15 dark jokes are named so for a reason. So if you are easily offended or have no interest in the dark side, scroll down just a little. I promise there are plenty of corny dad jokes to come.
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- Did you know that 2 in every 1 person has schizophrenia?
- I’m not allowed to tell jokes about illiterate midgets anymore.
Apparently, it’s not big, and it’s not clever.
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandpa.
Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
- As I look back on my life, I can’t help but shed a tear for those I lost along the way.
It turns out being a tour guide just wasn’t for me.
- I wasn’t close to my dad when he died.
Quite lucky, really, because he stood on a landmine.
- What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
At least outlaws are wanted.
- I guess my girlfriend had Covid when we met.
Her mother keeps telling her she has no taste.
- My other half and I were out for a nighttime walk. She stopped and looked up to the sky. Then, with a sigh, she asked me, ‘how do stars die?’
Usually an overdose, I replied.
- The doctor called me the other day and said, I’ve got your wife’s blood test results back. So there’s good and bad news.
The good news is she only has 24 hours to live. The bad news is I meant to call you yesterday.
- I was playing a round of golf with a friend the other day and a funeral procession passed by. My friend laid down his club, took off his cap, and bowed his head. I told him, in forty years, I’ve never seen him so respectful to something.
As he picked up his driver, he looked at me and said, it’s the least I could do. We were married fifty years after all.
- I was out digging in the garden the other day when I found this box filled with coins.
I turned around to call my wife, but then I remembered why I was out there digging the hole.
- What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
- I was walking in the woods with my girlfriend, and she started whining about how it was getting dark, and she found it creepy.
I told her, you’re ok, I’m the one who has to walk back home alone.
- My mother‘s really sick. So I went around the other day to take her for a nice walk. We went to the crematorium.
On the way there, she started to complain. ‘I’m not dead yet,’ she said.
We’re not there yet,’ I replied.
- My grandmother always admonished me for all my gadgets and overreliance on technology.
She was quite the hypocrite, so I turned off her life support.
15 Corny Birthday Dad Jokes | Hilarious Ways to Spoil the Party
Nobody likes growing older, but sadly, it is inevitable. So why not add a few of these hilarious birthday dad jokes to your humorous arsenal. Of course, we can’t guarantee the birthday boy/girl will be happy about them, but the guests will surely be in hysterics.
Much like some of the line-towing jokes on this list, you will need to know your audience before you make birthday jokes. Some people don’t take well to getting a year older. Let’s face it, the last thing you want is to get kicked out of the party after your first joke … or before cake.
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- Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake?
Try blowing out the candles first.
- Why should we be more like pickles when it comes to our birthdays?
Because they always relish the moment!
- How does every birthday end?
With the letter Y.
- A man walked into a fishmonger’s and asked them if they made fishcakes.
‘Yes, we do,’ replied the man behind the counter.
Great, he said, it’s my goldfish’s birthday, and I want to get him something nice.
- My wife said she didn’t care what I got her for her birthday as long as it had diamonds.
A deck of playing cards was apparently not the right option.
- When I turned 21, my dad took me to one side, put his arm around my shoulders, and said,
Son, when I was your age … I was 21.’
- When my parents handed me my 30th birthday card, I looked them in the eyes and said, you could have just got me the one.
- I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to do on her 32nd birthday.
She said she wanted to go out for dinner and to the movies.
I told her there was no way we could do all of that in just thirty seconds.
- My partner always calls me out for being a pessimist.
I told her I was just born like that. Even my blood type is O-negative.
- It is impossible to throw a surprise party for a psychic.
They always sense your presents.
- My wife hasn’t spoken to me for a week. She said I ruined her birthday.
I told her that’s nonsense. I didn’t even know it was her birthday.
- Birthdays are good for you. Statistics say those who have the most live the longest.
- Forget about the past. You can’t change it. Forget about the future. You can’t predict it.
While you’re at it, forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
- What do my golf game and birthday cake have in common?
They both come with large slices.
- For her birthday, my wife asked me to describe her.
I said she’s like a fine wine … she gets more expensive with age.
15 Spooky Halloween Dad Jokes | Make Every Trick a Treat
Halloween is one of the best holidays. It has everything you could want. You get to dress up, there are parties to go to, more candy than you could ever eat, and yes, some of the very best Halloween humor consists of dad jokes.
Don’t believe me? Check out the below examples, which will have you screaming with laughter before the witching hour is upon you. Laughter might not be the scariest thing in the world, but there isn’t a single better pairing than horror and comedy.
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- Two nuns were driving a car when suddenly a giant vampire jumped out in front of them.
Quick, show her your cross, the first nun shouts.
The second nun opened her window, leaned out, and shouted, ‘Oi, get out of the bloody way!’
- Did you hear about the two witches that rented a flat together?
They were broommates!
- How do you know if there is a vampire in your bakery?
The jelly has been sucked from your doughnuts.
- Never kiss a vampire!
It’s a real pain in the neck.
- Did you know that ghosts cannot tell lies?
Yeah, you can see right through them.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite search engine?
- Skeletons are always calm under pressure.
Because nothing gets under their skin.
- What happens if you don’t pay your exorcist?
Your house gets repossessed.
- Why did Dracula’s wife insist on separate bedrooms?
Because his coffin kept her awake.
- What movie do ghosts watch at Halloween?
- Why don’t vampires listen to Taylor Swift?
Because she has bad blood.
- Why do mummies make such terrible friends?
Because they are always so wrapped up in themselves.
- Why is a graveyard an excellent place for writers to find inspiration?
Because there are so many different plots there.
- What is the most popular place in any town?
The graveyard, people are always dying to get in.
- What instrument did the skeleton learn to play?
15 Great Christmas Dad Jokes | ‘Tis the Season to Be Folly
Ah, Christmas. A time of joy, peace, and goodwill to all men. It also happens to be one of the very best times of year to crack open as many dad jokes as you want. After all, every cracker carries a … cracker of a joke inside them.
There is something special about Christmas that just makes everybody more approachable and friendly. People start loving the corny jokes dads tell around the fire. That is the true magic of Christmas, and is it your duty, as a joke-telling dad, to make the most of it, and fire off one-liners, and make all the festive puns you can think up.
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- Which animal writes the best Christmas cards?
The ballpoint pen-guin.
- There are two kinds of Christmas people:
Those who eat too much chocolate and liars!
- Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey because he’s always stuffed.
- Why did Santa not get wet when he lost his umbrella?
It wasn’t raining.
- Last year my wife said she couldn’t find the words to thank me for her gift.
This year I bought her a thesaurus.
- What is the most popular wine at Christmas time?
“I don’t want to eat Brussel sprouts!”
- What do you get if you eat too many Christmas decorations?
- What is Santa’s favorite type of music?
- My brother and I loved watching Christmas movies back to back…
I just wish he would have let me face the TV at least once.
- Which Reindeer has the worst manners?
- Did you hear about the vampire snowman?
He got frostbite.
- How did Brexit change Christmas for the United Kingdom?
From now on, there will be no Brussels.
- What is the best gift to give at Christmas?
A broken drum. You really can’t beat it.
- Why did Father Christmas need to see a therapist?
To help combat is low elf-esteem.
- Why did Santa send the Grinch on a scavenger hunt?
- To find some Christmas spirit!
Best Dad Jokes: The Punch Line
That concludes our list of the best dad jokes of 2021. Some of these are old ones, classics if you will. Others are new. There is no shortage of corny dad jokes out there, so don’t be afraid to change it up a little. Maybe even ad-lib! That’s how some of the best jokes are made.
You can now go away safe in the knowledge that there really are funny dad jokes for every occasion, from school drop-offs to weddings, bar mitzvahs, and even funerals. It’s all just about getting the right timing and understanding the situation. You know, like the saying, knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not making a sandcastle with grandma at the crematorium.
Start off slow, pick a handful and work on perfecting your delivery. The art of telling dad jokes has been passed down for generations, and now it’s your turn to pick up the mantle and keep the joke world turning.
Let us know your best (or worst) dad jokes and how you landed them in a comment below!