Let’s talk about sex. Specifically, how to be a better lover.
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Despite what some self-professed lady-killing pickup artists would have you believe, everyone doubts their sexual talents sometimes. But because there’s a stigma of being an inferior lover, many men stay quiet about their concerns.
In truth, people like different things. So, while some women might like a certain move, the others might not enjoy it. And that can really throw you off when you’re in the moment.
BAM! Your go-to move is suddenly a buzz kill. How do you recover?
Luckily, more often than not, women are happy to give a second chance to a guy if they’re interested in him. That emotional connection is a powerful thing to have.
Now, the only question is what you can do to spice things up the right way.
Are you worried you bore your partner in bed? Then continue reading for 8 in depth ways you can learn how to be a better lover. And ultimately, improve your love life.
1. Practice Healthy Communication for Sexual Intimacy
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Are you in a relationship, but feel completely lost on how to be a good lover? Then the best thing you can do is communicate that with your partner. Easier said than done, right? Well, it doesn’t have to be.
One of the most common problems couples have is a lack of communication.
But how can you improve communication? And what does that have to do with being a better lover?
While a couple might talk all the time over text, or in person, the conversations may lack depth. In fact, those conversations could be completely devoid of how either person is feeling.
Don’t make your significant other read your mind. Instead, open up and start communicating some of your intimate thoughts.
Because, if you’re reading this, then you want to know how to be a better lover. And the key is communication.
If you’re nervous about speaking your mind, or unsure where to start, then keep reading for some tips on how to communicate with your lover.
Have an Open Mind
When you’re opening up with a lover, it’s vital to have an open mind. Remember, you want to improve your love making skills. Now is not the time to be judgmental, or to make someone feel insecure.
Try to maneuver the conversation without any gut reactions, or immature commentary. The last thing you want is for your partner to regret opening up to you.
Ultimately, you need to be ready to hear them out. And if they say something unexpected or that throws you off, then speak up! Because communication is a two way street.
However, the reality is that everyone has limits. And we’re not all into the same stuff. So, to avoid any uncomfortable experiences, you have to put it all on the table at least once. Then you need to…
Learn to Set Boundaries
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When you’re attempting to communicate about intimate subject matter, it’s crucial to set boundaries. By not discussing these boundaries, you’re hurting both yourself and your partner.
Here’s your chance to take the lead and start the conversation about boundaries. Because you’re the only one that knows what you’re really thinking. But the beauty of taking the lead is that it encourages your partner to do the same with you.
And it takes some of the pressure off of them. So, if you’re struggling to ask what the other person likes, start by talking about what you don’t like. Then you can open the discussion up further about what each person is into.
Learn to Listen
Once your partner starts to communicate her desires, you have to listen. These are intimate conversations, and oftentimes, they involve difficult topics.
If you’re wondering how to be a good boyfriend, then you need to learn how to listen. Because not listening is a great way to make your partner feel disconnected from you.
And that doesn’t mean only listening when the conversation directly relates to your sex life. Odds are she’s dropping hints all the time, you’re just not picking up on them.
Oftentimes, when someone is interested in a specific sexual act they will bring up the subject on their own.
However, they could be coy and beat around the bush. Don’t force the conversation. Instead try to bring the same subject up on your own in a more intimate setting. The conversation could shift in a more interesting direction.
Choose the Time Carefully
In order to guarantee efficient communication, you need to make sure your timing is right. Because talking about your sex life at the wrong time can easily tank a relationship.
Have you ever been having a bad day only for someone to try to have a deep conversation with you? Were you very receptive to what they were talking about?
Now, switch that up and imagine someone bringing up sexual intimacy when you’re preparing for an important presentation. Or rushing out the door for an appointment. That isn’t the best time to talk about sex, is it?
One way you can become a better lover is to time your conversations better.
If you’re wanting to be flirty, or seductive, then read the room first. And don’t start suggesting intimacy or any bedroom antics if your significant other isn’t in the mood.
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Focus on Non-Verbal Cues
Another way to improve your lovemaking prowess is to focus on non-verbal cues. Many women speak with their body as much as they do with their mouth. So, if you’re not paying attention, then you’re losing out.
If you hope to step up your lovemaking sessions then pay attention to important non-verbal cues.
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Open Body Language
Is she displaying open body language when she’s around you? Look for a relaxed posture, uncrossed arms, and for her body to be facing towards you.
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Touching
When a girl can’t keep her hands off of you, it’s a good sign. Take the hint and turn up the heat.
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Active Participation
If you’re in the moment and notice she’s enjoying herself, then you’re doing something right. Just keep going with it, don’t switch things up right away. However, if she’s nonreactive to what’s taking place, then you need to go ahead and ask if what you’re doing is alright.
Although it might seem easy enough to focus on your partner’s body, it’s actually easier to overlook these non-verbal cues. When you start to doubt yourself, it’s hard to see past your insecurities. So, stay positive. And don’t forget that she could be telling you everything you want to hear without directly saying it.
2. Change Your Outlook on Sex
If you want to improve your sexual relationship, then you need to work on your emotional connection – before you work on your physical connection. Ultimately, sex should be less about the end result, and more about intimacy.
Too many men hope every romantic encounter they have with a woman will lead to sex. But that shouldn’t be the case! Instead, the best lovers know sexual pleasure comes after a strong emotional connection.
Which is why people who want a great sex life work on sexual intimacy.
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Don’t Be Selfish About Sex
Are you ever rushing to the finish line in bed? Be honest.
We all desire pleasure, but sometimes that means paying too much attention to ourselves. Basically, trying to feel good at the expense of our partner’s enjoyment.
Remember, relationships are a two way street. So, don’t be so selfish in bed. A great lover never is.
Put Intimacy Over Pleasure
Don’t be ashamed of feeling like you have a lackluster bedroom life. You have to walk before you run. In order to grow on an emotional level, you have to take baby steps. Which might mean spending more sensual time together.
Becoming a great lover takes patience. Avoid getting so caught up in sexual technique. Use your sensuality to your advantage.
Related Reading: How to Be a Better Kisser
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Don’t Worry About the End Result
If you really want to know how to be a better lover, you need to stop worrying about the end result.
Maybe your partner is clearly enjoying herself with you one day. But the next time you sleep together, she doesn’t seem as satisfied. Well, regardless of gender, we’re all human. And all the little things matter. Sometimes a woman simply has a lot on her mind. It’s not always improper sexual technique that’s to blame.
Try spending more time on foreplay. And work on being less disappointed with the outcome of each sexual encounter.
3. How to Be a Better Lover Outside the Bedroom
Relationships can be tricky. Partners can spend almost all of their time together, yet still feel disconnected. And that’s also the case for people’s sex life. When we get lost in the same sexual routine, it can become dull fast.
Which is why even something as simple as having a set date night can do wonders for your emotional connection. Especially for a marriage, when it’s easy to get caught up in your lives.
If you’re unsure how to navigate becoming a better lover, here’s some advice for outside of the bed.
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Make New Memories
In relationships, especially marriage, it’s important to continue making new memories together. Then, when you relive those moments, you’re able to travel back in time. Back to a time when you couldn’t wait to see each other. And couldn’t keep your hands off one another.
So, you’ll want plenty of special memories to keep your sexual relationship feeling fresh and exciting.
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But that’s not all! By planning this time together you’re also building anticipation to see each other. As if you’re back in the early stages of dating.
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Change the Scenery
If you’re feeling like your lovemaking sessions are lacking something, switch things up. Take your love making somewhere other than the bedroom – nothing too risqué, okay?
Instead, take a romantic vacation, shower together, or take a dance class. Anything other than your norm is enough to rejuvenate your sexual energies.
4. Rekindle the Fire
Whenever you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, your sexual desire can grow stagnant. And that inactivity, or boredom can make a man believe he’s not a great lover. So, how can you get back that burning desire of a love on fire?
In order to rekindle the flame, you can take several steps.
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Flirt With Your Partner
Great lovers are flirtatious. And no marriage, or long-term relationship can stand in the way of that. Got it? Good.
Remember, just because you’ve won her heart doesn’t mean you let the flirtation die.
Ask Questions
Unfortunately, you can feel like you know someone inside and out, but it doesn’t mean you know everything. And even the most successful marriages have some unspoken words to share.
Who knows, maybe the answer to “how to be a better lover” is hidden in a question you’ve yet to ask.
Cultivate a Stronger Physical Connection
Sometimes we simply want to be better lovers because we feel that our sexual technique is suffering. Then there are times when we just want to up our already sexually fulfilling game.
However, even couples with a lively physical connection feel disconnected outside of the bedroom.
Regardless of your reason for learning how to be a better lover, you need to take a look at how much physical affection you’re showing. By showing more affection you’re able to strengthen your emotional connection as well. Which can greatly improve your reputation as a great lover.
5. Don’t Be Lazy About Your Relationship
If you want to be known as a great lover, then you can’t let yourself grow lazy. Far too often couples get complacent. And complacency is a surefire way to kill sex.
But what can you do to ensure you aren’t letting yourself be lazy? Don’t worry, we got you covered. Follow along for some tips on how to be a better lover that’s never lazy.
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Be the Man She Fell in Love With
At the beginning of a relationship it’s easy to devote time and attention to your significant other. But once you win her affections you can’t just stop doing all the stuff that made her fall in the first place.
For example, if you used to go out and buy her flowers after work, what’s preventing you from still doing that? Long term relationships and marriage aren’t a reason to stop. Go get that woman some flowers!
If you used to invite her over for your signature dish but you never cook anymore, then get in the kitchen!
The most important point is that you can’t become a better lover if you stop doing what she already loves about you.
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Surprise Her
In order to keep your relationship exciting fill it with surprises. When life becomes a drag, your sexual pleasure can plummet. But remember, sometimes it’s less about the sex and more about the outside elements.
While some people need to schedule their romantic getaways and playdates, others might find that surprises work best for them. So, if you’re wondering how to be a better lover, then a surprise might do the trick.
Related Reading: Romantic Relationship Quotes
Go ahead and plan a surprise date night. Or get super cliché and have her come home to a candlelit dinner. In other words, pull all the stops, my guy! And get her feeling those butterflies again.
Then, turn up the heat and remind her what an amazing lover you can be.
6. Work on Yourself First
Before learning how to be a better lover, you guys need to learn to love yourselves. Which sounds like a simple concept. But unfortunately, self-love doesn’t manifest overnight. And that can leave you wondering how you can rewire your brain to realize that you’re a goodtime in and out of bed.
Therefore you need to work on yourself to become the best lover you can be.
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Make Time for Yourself
When you spend more time doing the things that make you happy, you’ll start to feel better about yourself. Which will ultimately bring about healthier, and happier relationships. Especially when marriage and long-term dating begins to takeaway from your hobbies.
If you don’t like yourself, you’ll always doubt your abilities. And that can greatly interfere with how you perform sexually.
Ideally, both partners should be making time for themselves. If you’re not comfortable with alone time, it’s easy to smother your partner. Which can put a damper on bedroom life, and relationship.
So, take time to enjoy yourself before relations with a woman. Then you’ll be once step closer to knowing how to be a better lover.
Spruce Up
Not feeling like a certified Don Juan when you look in the mirror? Well, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. Because if you don’t feel like you’re desirable, then why would you believe your partner thinks you are?
Therefore, you need to do some sprucing up.
Do you want your partner to look at you with lustful eyes? Then dress the part!
Which means you can’t just throw on your old gym clothes or ragged t-shirt if you have plans with the woman in your life. Instead, you need to take a look at your closet. And start dressing like the handsome man you are.
But you can’t neglect your physical appearance just because you wear the right clothes.
Learning how to be a better lover involves the whole package – stylish, and expertly groomed. And a little cologne never hurt anyone. Make sure you’re sexy from head to toe, and everywhere in-between.
Work on Your Self-Confidence
Maintaining a healthy level of self-confidence is no easy task. Unfortunately, there are many mental roadblocks to overcome.
However, if you’re feeling a lack of confidence outside of the bedroom, you’re going to really struggle with sex.
Most women will agree that few things are sexier than a confident man.
Words of affirmations can help you feel more confident whether you hear them from women, or if you say them to yourself. If you want to be a better lover to your partner, learn how to be a better lover to yourself.
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7. Be Adventurous in Your Sex Life
Now, if you really want to learn how to be a better lover you should try being sexually adventurous – while still being considerate of your partners boundaries.
If you haven’t had a talk about your individual comfort zones, then now is the time. Because although you don’t have to get too wild and crazy, there are certainly some pleasures you’ve yet to explore. And some that you might want to avoid.
Try a New Sexual Technique
As far as new bedroom techniques, it’s important to remember that not all women like the same things in bed. While one woman from your past might love all your moves, a new partner might not find them as satisfying.
With this in mind, you need to be open to what your partner wants as well. Don’t just stick with your regular moves. A good lover is open to trying new things.
But in a world of puritanical pressures, many couples are afraid to spice things up in bed. For this reason, try to take it slow.
Start with more foreplay, and focus on your partner’s reactions. Don’t worry about doing it wrong. If she doesn’t enjoy it, you now know what not to do. Most importantly, be present, and listen to your partner if you want to know how to be a better lover.
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Buy Sex Toys
Sometimes sex requires a little experimentation. However, when it comes to the wellbeing of your sexual pursuits, additional efforts are well worth the trial and error.
Now, sex toys tend to be a hush-hush topic. But the best lovers don’t shy away from adventurous sexual escapades within their relationships.
With that in mind, if you’re wondering how to be a better lover, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to at least have the conversation. Play around with the idea, see if anything piques your interest.
In fact, there are so many toy options available, that there’s bound to be something for both of you to enjoy.
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8. Have Fun Together
Although you spend time working on your sexual compatibility, it’s pointless if you aren’t having fun. When the fun is gone, and sex becomes a chore, you need to take a hard look at where you stand in your relationship.
Ultimately, if you want to learn how to be a better lover, you need to keep the fun alive. Because great lovers don’t only know how to make love, they know how to have a blast while doing it.
Therefore, ask your significant other out on some exciting dates. Or a romantic night in. But try to leave your anxieties at the door, and have fun.
How to be a Better Lover: Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, there isn’t a playbook for sex. Well okay, there are thousands of books about sex. But they can’t zero in on your personal issues in the bedroom. And they definitely don’t know how that all intertwines with your significant other.
For those wanting to know how to be a better lover, the best answer we have is that it’s a combination of a deep emotional, and sexual connection.
Therefore, don’t avoid the topic, speak your mind! And work with your partners to find out how to be a better lover all around.
Hopefully you use these tips to improve your intimate relationships, and help yourself feel like a better lover.
Do you have any additional advice that you’d like to add for our readers? Let us know in the comments!
I am a terrible lover that only cares about myself.